Neal Caffrey's Guide to the Perfect Con
by fallenjedipadawan
Summary: Certain elements are needed to pull of a successful heist.  Who better to share these traits than felon Neal Caffrey?  A collection of oneshots.
1. Confidence

**a/n: Just a short little series of drabbles each having to do with something vital to pulling of the perfect con (or impromptu speaking, the original cause for this list.) Please review I'm thinking about one a day for the most part until its done. I'm working on a slightly longer two shot but seeing as that being written on a smart phone it might take a little while.**

**Disclaimer: I still do not own White Collar.**

**Confidence**

The first thing you need to remember if you want your con to succeed is to BE CONFIDENT. Tell yourself that everything is going to go according to plan, have faith in your skills, if your smart enough to be able to plan at least a half good con then your smart enough to pull it off. Confidence, even false confidence, will do you more good than you can imagine when you first approach your mark. That means even if you don't feel it, act like you are confident, people are naturally more comfortable around someone who is confidant in themselves; stand up straight. don't slouch as if you were trying to hide from something, meet their eyes, don't avert them its an instant alarm that you're lying, work at a normal speed don't walk to fast it looks like you're trying to get away from something but don't shuffle your feet its a sign of nervousness. Just be cool, calm, and collected; people will be placed at ease, whether its as simple as simply picking their pocket to getting them to divulge enough information on how to pass their security unnoticed, your more likely to be able to pull it off if they aren't wary being around you. Just remember don't get cocky, keep an eye out for danger and plan ahead in case trouble arises. To many simple lifts have been foiled by someone getting to cocky and forgetting to check their surroundings. Be confidant in yourself and confidant in your work and remember no great heist was pulled without confidence.

IIIWhite CollarIII

A man in his early twenties dressed in a dark suit, the blue tie the exact same shade as his cerulean eyes, nervously twisted his cloth napkin in his lap. For the last half hour he had been picking at the food on the porcelain plate in front of him. If anyone had been seated close to him they might have been startled at the low murmurs that were coming from his mouth. If approached they would have faintly hear him scolding himself, "Come on, Neal, you can do this. Just walk over and talk to them, its not that hard." He nervously glanced over his shoulder at a well dressed man lounging in his seat waiting for his credit card to be returned. "You gotta do this, you gotta get it or else there's no food for you tonight."

He took a deep breath and pinched his nose before standing up, he slowly crossed the room before slowing at the man's table as if doing a double take. "I know you muss get this all the time but you look exactly like." He paused for a moment stopping to come up with an easily recognized, "George Clooney."

"I'm sorry, who are you?"

"N...Nick, Nick Halden. Pleasure to meet you." He stuck out his hand and after a moment of it being ignored, he withdrew it. "Sorry for bothering you." As he moved away he caught his foot and stumbled into the man who after placing his credit card in his wallet had risen to leave the restaurant. The young man's hand slid into the outer pocket of others jacket, his fingers encircling the wallet as he moved to pull it out. Before he could he felt a tight hand wrap around his wrist and the color drained from his face.

"Lifting a wallet isn't as easy as it seems, your hand is too heavy. I felt it as soon as it was inside my pocket, but then again most people wouldn't have." The man pulled his cell phone out of another pocket.

"Please, don't call the police. I swear I'll never come near you again. I wouldn't have done it, but my friend and I we don't have any money, what we scrounged up today was enough for one meal here to see if we could find someone to get the money from. Other than that we have nothing, the last real meal we we ate other than the one I ate here was almost two days ago. Please, just don't call the police."

The man chuckled, "You have guts kid, trying to pull something like that. And your smart to, most people would have been content picking pockets on the street but you recognized this as place where you could find the money you needed. I like that. You just were unfortunate enough to try to pick the pockets off one of the best in the game. I wouldn't have caught on if you weren't so damned nervous about it, be confident next time and everyone will fall for it hook, line, and sinker." He released his hold on the would be pickpocket's wrist and pulled the wallet out from it he withdrew two one hundred dollar bills and pressed them into the young man's hand. "That's for reminding me that once I was a beginner too and to ensure that there will be a next time so my advice won't go to waste. Now tell me son what's your real name?"

"Neal Caffrey." The young man looked at the ground, holding the precious money tightly. The other tilted his chin up.

"Look up and act natural, you've got some talent there, with a little bit of at least acting like your confidant you can make it. I'm certain that I haven't heard the last of Neal Caffey, a thief for the future generations to look to." With a wink and a flourish of his dark coat the man, left the restaurant barely avoiding collision with a short man, squinting through his thick glances at his friend who shoulders now straight walked confidently from the building.

**A/n: So there you have it the first drabble, Confidence. Please tell me what you think.**


	2. Think on Your Feet

**A/n: Alright part two. Darn, kids! I got decked last night and now have a space between me teeth, because they shifted and it hurt, and I'm pretty unhappy. And seriously guys would you please review. **

**Think On Your Feet**

The second thing to remember while pulling a heist is you need to be able to THINK ON YOUR FEET. You never know when something is going to go wrong, and trust me it happens more often than you would think possible, it's essential that you are able to cover it. If your plans are blown you can't take the time to think through what you are going to do, it's entirely too obvious. Five seconds is the max hesitation you can get away with and even then you are going to start looking suspicious. The brain is a smart thing, it will provide the answers you need, your job is to make those answers seem believable. Before you go in come up with believable answers to any question, so even if you aren't able to think on your feet you might be able to get away with whatever you are doing. When you can think on your feet you'll be able to pass of a totally convincing unplanned story and suspicions will seem to melt. If you have someone whom you trust, practice with them, have them ask you anything and everything until you are able to answer in as many different ways possible in as little time as possible. If you ever get into that tight spot remember to think on your feet and everything will work out in your favor.

IIIWhite CollarIII

Glasses clinked as the toast ended; a red faced man furtively wiped the sweat off his brow glad to be out of the attention, and content in the fact that nothing had upset his art event. The crowd had moved their focus away from his as they mingled, several quietly flirting with members of the opposite sex, and others tilting their heads to the side as they studied the paintings hanging from the walls. The warm light and classical music created a comfortable atmosphere in the cream colored room where the crowd mingled excited to view the small painting in the adjacent room.

In the room neighboring the party goers a man dressed in dark clothing pressed his ear to the crack in the door, listening until he heard that he had less ten minutes to remove the painting, replace it with his copy of it, and flee the premises. "Damn it, Mozz, I thought you said they weren't supposed to open the doors until nine." He hissed into his silver phone.

"That's what they said on the schedule. Maybe they had the foresight to bump it up a little in case someone tried to do what you're doing." A man stood near the edge of the party quietly talking on his phone. "Now hurry up, there's a woman dressed in a fur coat who keeps eyeing me."

"A woman a fur coat normally isn't a bad thing." Neal moved away from the door. "Means they're rich, bet if she like you she'd give you some of that money."

Mozzie's voice was exasperated as he replied, "You know who I feel about fur coats. Do you know what they do to get it? They wait for an innocent baby seal to emerge from the water and then they bludgeon it!"

"Alright, Mr. Green peace." Neal chuckled. "Just make sure no one comes in here until."

"Fine. But be quick!"

"Aren't I always?" The dark haired man stood examining the painting for a moment. With light hands he pulled the frame from the wall, quietly thanking the armature nature of the gallery for not having any alarms that would have been set off as soon the item was touched. Kneeling on the ground he gently removed the canvas from the frame, admiring the work before carefully removing a small tube from the satchel he carried with him. From this he withdrew a canvas of his own, the picture it depicted identical to the painting that had been in the frame. With a quick glance at his watch and a mumbled curse his fingers practically flew over his work of securing the painting in his frame. When he turned it over he knew that within moments it would be noticed that the original painting was gone, what with the canvas too lose in its frame, but by the time anyone realized the fact he would have vanished from the premises.

The feeling of the phone in his pocket vibrating caused him to jump slightly before pulling it out to read the text. His blue eyes widened for a fraction of a second before he hastily placed the frame picture back on the wall and straightening it. The canvas was then quickly rolled up and slid into the tube, which was slipped back in the satchel that hung over one shoulder; a small drawing pad was pulled from the bag and flipped to a blank page and a hasty sketch of the painting in front of him was started. He glanced at the window he had entered through but knew that he would never be able to slip through it and close it behind him before whoever had caused Mozzie to send the text entered the room; his only option now was to improvise.

The sound of the party grew louder as the door behind him swung up, letting a shaft of the bright light spill into the darkened room. A man's low, laughing voice reached the con man's ears, "Just let me make sure everything is alright and then we'll open the doors." The door closed with a click before the man caught sight of the shadowed figure in front of the painting. "Excuse me."

Neal pretended to be startled and then guilty turned to the man. "Yes?" His eyes were curious.

"I'm sorry but no one is allowed in here until the unveiling."

"Oh, I'm so sorry. I don't know how I missed that. I mean it's so obvious." The young man gently smacked his forehead with the palm of his hand. "I guess I was just so excited to see it, you see I'm an art student, we all have to sketch a painting we're inspired by. I'm studying at-"

The man took in the sketch Neal was casually holding, "That's very good, but I'm afraid I'll have to ask you to wait and finish it until we allow the other guests into the room."

"Alright, I'm sorry if I caused you any trouble." With a sigh the dark haired man returned the book to his satchel and turned to leave, before being stopped by a firm hand on his shoulder.

"How exactly did you get in here anyways? We've had a guard outside the door all evening."

Neal flashed a tentative smile, "It's a party, it would be impossible to resist mingling for just moment, besides they never bring the champagne over to the employees."

"That's so they remain sober and can attend to their duties. Ricardo has worked very faithfully at every single one of the events we've hosted and has never once allowed something like this to happen."

"There's a first time for everything?" Neal offered weakly, his heart pounding in his chest.

"I don't remember any art students on the guest list; would you please show me your invitation?"

Neal shifted uncomfortably in the man's grasp as he appeared to search through the contents of his bag. "I swear I had it just a couple of moments ago. I came with Lisa and she told me not to lose them." He turned his frantic eyes towards the elder man. "I'll never be able to explain this to her and do you know what she's like when she's mad? She'll stop helping pay for my tuition. I love her, I really do, but she just expects so damn much from me. If I didn't need her I would leave her right now but she'll let everyone know about us. Do you know what kind of position it would put me in to have everyone find out I was in a relationship with someone so much older than I am?"

"I thought Lisa was married." The man seemed to soften.

"She is, but she says she's getting bored of her husband." Neal ran his hand through his thick hair.

"I'll talk to Lisa for you."

"No! No, you don't have to do that. I'll figure it out on my own, but thanks for the offer."

"Are you sure, I'm positive she'll listen."

"Yeah it will be fine." The young man gave a shaky laugh, "I'll just make sure to visit her tonight and she'll forget all about it."

"Alright, but don't let me catch you in here before opening time again, understand?"

"Yes, sir. Thank you for understating." Neal forced himself to walk slowly from the room and through the crowd as he went he slipped the phone he had "borrowed" as he entered the building into a woman's pocket and trotted down the steps at the exit, grinning when he heard someone call Lisa's name.

A battered blue car sat by the curve and he slid into the passengers seat, leaning over to kiss the woman sitting behind the steering wheel. "Hey babe, I got it." A moment later the read door was opened and Mozzie sat down.

As the trio moved away from the gallery the bald man sat forward in his seat, "You may just have ruined dear Lisa's marriage."

IIIWhite CollarIII

Special Agent Burke was livid as he stalked into the room, a plump man following at his heels proclaiming exactly how much the painting was worth. Peter knew without a doubt that the thief was going to be one charming, dark haired, blue eyed young man who had woven such a believable story he had simply walked from the room. Having followed the young thief for almost three years the agent had come to know the con man's style and this place would have drawn him like a magnet. "So what you're saying is you just let him waltz right out of here?"

The man gulped. "Yes."

"I have been chasing that boy for the last three years and you just let him slip through our fingers again!" Burke glared at the painting that seemed to mock him.

"Agent Burke, you might want to see this." One of the junior agents called as she lifted the painting from the wall.

"I don't believe it! Even he's not that stupid, why it's like leaving a calling card." Peter glared at the canvas on the back of the portrait in flowing script was a small passage. "Peter, Latius est impunitum relinqui facinus nocentis quam innocentem damnari." Underneath a flourishing N.C. signed the note. It wouldn't be to convict the criminal; there were plenty of people with the initials NC out there. Peter had to chuckle, the boy sure had style when if came to pulling of heists.

**a/n: Aww, look Peter showed up in this one! Translation from the note is "It is better to let the crimes of the guilty go unpunished than to condemn the innocent." Anyways please review! **


	3. Cover Your Weaknesses

**oeA/n: I wonder if this is what goldfish feels like? My school is like all windows and in the library all of the room look in own in from above and stuff and it sucks and I can concentrate on what I'm supposed to be doing, so I'll do this instead. As always please review. **

**Disclaimer: Do I really need to bother?**

**Don't Show your Weaknesses**

The next thing to remember is DON'T SHOW YOUR WEAKNESSES. Humans are vicious and if they find anything they can use against you they'll tear you apart, so don't give them the opportunity to. You've got to come off as strong, someone that nothing can faze. There will days when you feel of your game, when in all actuality pulling a heist is the last thing you want to do, this is when you'll slip up and reveal what can be used against you. Your weaknesses are your biggest threat to yourself when pulling a heist. You have to be bigger than life which means any weaknesses are unacceptable. A mark picking up on your weaknesses could very well be the difference between walking away and being dragged off in handcuffs. Worry, illness, and being uninformed are all dangerous weaknesses that can slow you, but if you keep them concealed no one will be able to use them against you. The easiest way to conceal your weaknesses is to either force yourself not to think about them or concentrate on working past them. One easy way of working past them is having something that will calm your nerves; it could be a power outfit, an outfit you feel 100% comfortable and you can do anything, a good luck charm, or even an action. I've known people, who will recite some quotes, sing a favorite show tune, say tongue twisters, meditate, or do a quick jig. Whatever you have to do to conceal your weaknesses do it, you'll be unstoppable.

IIIWhite CollarIII

"So how are today, Nick?" A white haired man asked his employee as he carried a cup of steaming coffee back to his office.

"Excellent. How about you Mr. Walters?"

"It's a fine day today, my boy. I assume I'll see you at my little banquet tonight."

"Of course," The young man flashed his brilliant smile. "I wouldn't miss it." The elderly man responded with a cheery smile and moved onto to the next desk. As soon as the man was out of earshot Neal let out a small groan and let his head drop into his hands. A pounding headache had been pestering him all day and he wanted nothing more than to return to his apartment, lay his head in Kate's lap, and sleep for a solid ten hours. Instead he would have to listen to annoyingly meaningless conversations, compliment "coworkers" that wanted nothing more than to get rid of their employers new favorite employee, and keep a wide smile plastered on his face the entire time. With a sigh he picked up the phone and dialed a number, "Hey, just wanted to let you know I have something for work tonight I won't be home until late. Keep safe, I love you." He hung up the phone, knowing Kate would keep the doors locked and curtains drawn until he got home to make sure she was safe in case he wasn't really at a business function.

IIIWhite CollarIII

Neal Caffrey was regretting his decision in attending the banquet, what had started as a tickle at the back of his throat now felt like someone had rubbed sandpaper along the tender surface, despite the thick jacket he wore the cold made him shiver, and the headache had blown into one of monster proportions. The feeling of all the bodies pressing in around him made him want to scream and the quiet piano music amidst the chatter echoed painfully throughout his head. He glared at the offending instrument wishing that it would spontaneously have all the hammers splinter and be unable to play anymore.

"Ah, I see you've found Eva. She's quite the looker eh? I'll introduce you to her. Normally she isn't one to pay any notice to the guests, but with your looks even she might fall for you."

"It's all right, I'm perfectly fine admiring from a distance, prefer it in fact."

"Don't tell me that you are shy?" The elder man chortled.

"No, its just I'm not looking right now. I have a girlfriend."

"Surely you know that any woman would gladly come to you. It can be arranged that your girl never finds."

Neal shook his head, before trying to casually lean against the wall, the movement had cause the room to spin sickeningly and bright lights to explode in front of his eyes. "I don't do that. In fact it's our anniversary tonight, I was planning on leaving soon so we could at least spend a little of it together." The two men shook hands and the younger of the two quietly walked down the steps to the front door.

IIIWhite CollarIII

"Neal Caffrey!" Her voice screeched causing him to wince.

"Kate, please, be quiet. My head's killing me." The man burrowed his head deeper into the down pillow.

"No, I won't be quiet, not until me what you were thinking." She slammed a glass of water on to the old bedside table and flung two aspirin besides it.

"I just-"

"You what? You have no excuse for this, Neal, you have a 104 degree fever and you decided to go a banquet!"

"But-"

"No buts from you mister. You are staying in bed until you fevers gone."

"What about the-"

"That can wait. Your going to kill yourself and still insist your fine. Now go to sleep." She leaned over and kissed the man's forehead.

As she turned off the lights she smiled slightly hearing her boyfriend's final argument. "They didn't even know I was sick, I just came home to see you."

**a/n: Meh, don't really like this one, but that's all right there will be better ones in the future. I also realized who Peter makes me think of, my CP2 teacher. I thought of this because a. He did the double finger point, B. he's always saying cowboy up (buttercup) C. lots of other inexplicable reasons. Anyways please review. **


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